The Awesome Office

Yes, Eckhart... I see it too.

Is a really great excuse for not getting stuff done. Who knew that being on a path to enlightenment could give you a genuine excuse for you to fully embrace procrastination? If all I have is this moment, am I really going to spend it sorting socks? Hmmm… that’s a toughie. I mean the karma for not sorting your socks may not be that bad. Some dudes are super interested in well worn mismatched socks (ask me about ebay).

But the karma for living in the moment every moment except for the one when your rent is due, will get you kicked off of that drug dealer’s couch you’ve been living on for three months… or worse. Not that I would want anything to happen to you. No not you. Anyone but you. You’re my fave. Plus, Dave only sells weed, so I don’t think he’s going to make you stand in a bucket while he covers your feet in cement.

Staring contest accepted! You're going down Tolle! (Okay. I'm done. Even though I have a billion of these. Some of them are NSFW.)

I’m just messing around. I don’t even know anyone named Dave. That’s just some rambling hippie armchair philosophy for you. I’m almost done reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and this book pretty much cracked my skull open. It’s given me a completely different perspective on the world and on my own mind. It has caused some existential dilemmas, though. Such as, but not limited to:

1. As a writer, my main writing voice is also my egoic voice. If I lesson the grip of my ego, who’s going to do my job? Should I start outsourcing my ego?

2. Sex?! WTF?! That is all.

3. Okay,okay, I’ll use my words… If you’re supposed to awaken and have these open, attentive, non-attached, genuine sorts of relationships, what does that say about sex? What I’m really asking is this: If I meet someone off of Craigslist, can I just stare at them for awhile before we bone? What if I stare at them in the eyes? That’s totally legit, right?

Now, don’t you worry about me, hippies. I’m not going to go the route of your crazy enlightened cousin Dave and start wearing white robes all of the time, and incessantly talking about your chakras. I am way. too. cool. for that.

Wait…. I’m way too. cool. 4. that.

Better yet… MWay.2.cul.4.dat.

See how cool I am? Eff white robes, I’m going to do something much more helpful. I’m going to make the human language indiscernible. That way we’ll never have to have voices in our heads that we identify with and believe are our very own selves, even though, guess what? They totally aren’t. And then I’m also going to build a box and stay in it forever so that I only have the present moment, in my box, and everything will be all blissful and fantastic.

Party. My box. Next week.

Have ya’ll ever read any Eckhart Tolle? Did he make you want to move into a timeless box house?

Love,

The Friggin’ Hippie