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Jan.26,2012
Even your computer is telling you what you should do.
As I sit in this hip and cool coffee shop looking out at the hip and cool people walking by, I think, “I should get my hair done. I should get my feet bound so I can fit in boots like that. I should finish this coffee and get a refill. I should stop taking on more work or I won’t get anything done. I should work faster. I should probably take a break but I should write five things before I do.”
Earlier today at yoga, I thought, “I should push a little further. I should relax into this more. I should stop thinking. I should… sh*t, I’m still thinking. I really should stop that. Why can’t I stop? I know I should! Maybe I should do more yoga.”
Should: it’s one of those counterproductive words that doesn’t really do what it’s supposed to. Should is supposed to motivate you. It’s what your parent’s used to motivate you. It’s what your teachers and bosses use to motivate you. And it’s what you use to motivate yourself. But how motivated are you when someone tells you what you ‘should’ do? How motivated do you get when you start ‘shoulding’ yourself around?
I got a great newsletter from the owners of my favorite Chicago yoga studio today that had a piece in it about ‘should’.
When I tell myself that I should post for my vegan recipe blog, I find myself dreading it and everything I write feels forced. But when I just do it, it’s lighter, brighter and waaay more fun. Why? Because when I tell myself I should do something, I start resisting by saying, “I can’t” or “I donwanna” or “I’m sleepy now”. Then I have to get over the resistance before I can get down to business. By the time I get past it, I realize that I’ve ultimately just wasted a ton of energy because I felt the need to tell myself what I should be doing.
Allow yourself to fully feel your resistance by asking yourself the following Sedona Method question: “Could I give myself permission to feel my resistance [to going to yoga]?” Don’t push the feeling away, be with it, owning the truth of the moment: “I am in resistance and don’t feel like going to yoga.” Pretty soon the knot in your belly should ease, as the energy has nothing to push against and begins to dissipate, and the what-to-do-next will present itself. And then you may find yourself wanting to go to yoga. If the feeling doesn’t change at all you might come at the resistance from the opposite angle and ask yourself “Could I allow myself to let go of resisting not going to yoga?” That should give you some space and acceptance around where you’re at, which will make the energy move. You may wind up deciding to skip yoga that day, but you won’t give up yoga completely, which might very well be the result if you attempt to continue forcing yourself to go. [Talya Ring]
How do you keep from shoulding yourself?
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